Who are we?
Monsters?
You’d be surprised how often we hear that.
But no, we’re just like you - people, with butts.
And we want your money.
G. J. Lastmeyer.
CEO/Visionmaker/Folder
“Immigrants, we get the job done.” I’m not an immigrant, but that’s always been one of my favorite quotes. I guess you could say I’m an ideas guy. I like to take other people’s ideas and “guy” them. I didn’t invent toilet paper. Technically, I didn’t even improve toilet paper. But I did make the process of acquiring toilet paper cost way way more. You said “genius” not me. My favorite ply? Single. But I’m a folder.
Tasha.
Marketing/SEO/Buncher
Since 2019 I’ve been leading brands wherever they want to go — as long as that’s to sponsored Instagram posts and short life cycles. Not everything’s built to last. Our products are literally disposable, so, I’m calling it “synergy.” I’m a buncher, no follow ups.
Danny P.
Web Guru/Strategy/Bidet
Danny refused to submit a bio. So we’ll just tell you. He’s GOOD. So good we don’t care that he has no use or respect for our product.
John John.
Events/CFO/Switch-hitter
Hey, I’m John. My friends call me John John. I’ve been doing events and also financial management since I founded my first bespoke lemonade stand in fourth grade - LEMONAYD. After LEMONAYD went public I had more time on my hands and was looking for a new challenge. Selling bathroom tissue turns out to be both my passion and my greatest skill. P.S. I’m a switch hitter. Bunch? Fold? I just trust my instincts and let the TP lead the way.
Interns.
We don’t pay them. There’s a lesson in there.
Some are bunchers, some are folders, none are allowed to use the office bathrooms if and when we get an office.
You.
Think you’re TP material?
Ping us.
